Category Archives: Say What

March 15, 2017

Question: My sister has been stuck in a dead end loop for years. The two of us are in our 30’s, and we each recently moved back in with our family for financial reasons. This will probably be for a number of months, and as a result, we’re stuck together and driving each other crazy. The whole family is worried about her. She thinks that she is worthless, and that everyone hates her; so she spends most of her time on the computer instead of going out, doing things and meeting people. Somehow this becomes living proof to her of how ... [ Read More ]

February 15, 2017

Question: I’m fairly new to the Bali expat scene, and although I have made a lot of casual acquaintances, I have few close, trustworthy friends. I own my own business, and I am trying to balance my time between work, which is a long-term creative project, taking care of myself (cooking, exercising, etc.), and of course making friends. I also recently met someone who is in many ways really great. He’s fun, attractive, considerate and fascinating, but he’s also ridiculously intense. He wants to get involved romantically and has bent over backwards telling me that he doesn’t want to just have ... [ Read More ]

January 18, 2017

Question: There is a new bloke in my life. We met traveling. Because we have only known each other for about a month, it’s hard to know much about him other than what he tells me. Along with trusting that, I am being impatient as everything is going really slowly, which is totally new for me. My last boyfriend of 7 years ago moved in with me after the first month, and we were sleeping together by the end of the first week. I’m not saying that going slowly isn’t the best thing ever, it’s just unusual for me, and my ... [ Read More ]

December 21, 2016

Question: I’m a 27 year old virgin, who is writing a novel about two people who get together to lose their virginity. I worry that it may not be such a good idea to write about a topic that is so close to me as people, who know me well enough to never have seen me with a girlfriend, must know that I am a virgin when I talk about the book. Some even ask if it is autobiographical. I always say no and never admit that I am a virgin because I want so desperately to lose my virginity, but I tend ... [ Read More ]

December 7, 2016

Question: I am an expat with a business here and recently had an eye-opening experience about one of my staff. A smart and amazing artist, this young man is usually a thoughtful guy. Twice in the past year, however, he has acted extremely rude and uncaring in the course of the workday. Most recently, I wondered what was going on in his personal life to make him act this way; so I “Googled” him and found his Myspace page and a blog post, saying how intensely he loathes himself. He said he acts like a jerk sometimes and doesn’t mean it, but he ... [ Read More ]

November 23, 2016

Question: I have become close friends with a guy I met at the Bali Galeria.  He is a psychology and philosophy buff; so we have deep, intimate, interesting conversations. A couple of days ago, completely out of the blue, he asked me if I would consider dating him. Having a habit of speaking without thinking, I said “yes” because it was easy and I knew it would make him happy. Now, when I reflect further upon my decision, I don’t think I should have agreed. This guy is a genuinely kind and good person, but I am not physically attracted to him ... [ Read More ]

November 9, 2016

Question: I need to know how to fend off well-meaning questions from acquaintances about my semi-estranged dad. He’s a bipolar alcoholic, who is medication non-compliant. I grew up in an unstable, emotionally abusive home, which has left its mark on me. My mom was brave enough to divorce last year. Now, I’m finally getting therapy and facing my childhood demons. I’ve taken steps to limit contact with my dad, but I often have to deal with people who have no clue and ask after him because he was outwardly charming. I don’t know how to answer questions about him as I ... [ Read More ]

October 26, 2016

Question: I have a friend who is driving me crazy. He is in his mid-twenties, has graduated from university, lives at home with his parents completely free of charge, and is generally a good person, if sheltered. I’ve had to explain to him why he can’t make “she-male” jokes, and while he doesn’t make any effort to think critically about the media he’s consuming, at least when you point out he’s doing something offensive, he stops and doesn’t do it again. This friend has a crippling fear of pretty much everything. He is embarrassingly cheap, he has a victim complex, and ... [ Read More ]

October 12, 2016

Question: I’m a 20-year-old college student, and for the first time ever, I have a huge crush on one of my classmates. I’m not new to dating, but I have never felt so hopelessly “into” someone before. The problem is he doesn’t seem to know I exist. Compared to the girls he dates, I suspect I’m not his type. My brain tells me to let him be (“You can’t force things to happen,”) but another part of me wants to get a haircut and buy new clothes to impress him. It feels silly. I want to either shut this whole thing ... [ Read More ]

September 28, 2016

Question: I feel guilty because I don’t like my dad. Although he has never abused me sexually, he makes me uncomfortable in ways that feel sexual. He and my mother often wear only sarongs around the house, and I have accidentally caught him looking at porn. I feel uneasy being nude or almost naked when he’s around. It may be some kind of Freudian creepiness, or maybe it’s my own angst. He is alcoholic. He’s never been violent, but I feel unsafe and uncomfortable about the way he acts. He has really nasty arguments and pulls the “this is my house” ... [ Read More ]