Category Archives: Say What

June 7, 2017

Question: A number of years ago, my partner told an older woman in our village that he was not interested in her romantically. Ever since then, the woman has been spreading false, nasty rumors about him to everyone she knows. Because my boyfriend refuses to speak to her, she would have no way of knowing the things she says about him unless she has been stalking him. I do not believe that he’s sending naked photos of himself to some girl in Europe, and I doubt he’d even be capable of stringing along two different women at the same time while ... [ Read More ]

May 10, 2017

Question: In about 6 months, I am planning on moving to Bali. My boyfriend wants to come along, but it looks as if it may be almost impossible for him to find work here. My family lives here, and I plan to live with them. My boyfriend is not cool with that; he’s pretty much said that he will consider me to be breaking up with him if I do this. But, I miss my family and feel as if he’s holding me back. He won’t commit to being monogamous, and though neither of us currently engages in relationships with other ... [ Read More ]

April 12, 2017

Question: There is this woman who is part of my social group of friends, and with whom I go clubbing. Because my villa is convenient to many of our favorite bars, everyone in the group makes a habit of often sleeping over at my place. This woman, however, gets way drunker than most and takes off all of her clothes before she crashes. In time, I realized that things were missing, and it became obvious that she was stealing from me. After she and I eventually broke all ties, I began to find certain of her personal articles at my place ... [ Read More ]

March 15, 2017

Question: My sister has been stuck in a dead end loop for years. The two of us are in our 30’s, and we each recently moved back in with our family for financial reasons. This will probably be for a number of months, and as a result, we’re stuck together and driving each other crazy. The whole family is worried about her. She thinks that she is worthless, and that everyone hates her; so she spends most of her time on the computer instead of going out, doing things and meeting people. Somehow this becomes living proof to her of how ... [ Read More ]

February 15, 2017

Question: I’m fairly new to the Bali expat scene, and although I have made a lot of casual acquaintances, I have few close, trustworthy friends. I own my own business, and I am trying to balance my time between work, which is a long-term creative project, taking care of myself (cooking, exercising, etc.), and of course making friends. I also recently met someone who is in many ways really great. He’s fun, attractive, considerate and fascinating, but he’s also ridiculously intense. He wants to get involved romantically and has bent over backwards telling me that he doesn’t want to just have ... [ Read More ]

January 18, 2017

Question: There is a new bloke in my life. We met traveling. Because we have only known each other for about a month, it’s hard to know much about him other than what he tells me. Along with trusting that, I am being impatient as everything is going really slowly, which is totally new for me. My last boyfriend of 7 years ago moved in with me after the first month, and we were sleeping together by the end of the first week. I’m not saying that going slowly isn’t the best thing ever, it’s just unusual for me, and my ... [ Read More ]

December 21, 2016

Question: I’m a 27 year old virgin, who is writing a novel about two people who get together to lose their virginity. I worry that it may not be such a good idea to write about a topic that is so close to me as people, who know me well enough to never have seen me with a girlfriend, must know that I am a virgin when I talk about the book. Some even ask if it is autobiographical. I always say no and never admit that I am a virgin because I want so desperately to lose my virginity, but I tend ... [ Read More ]

December 7, 2016

Question: I am an expat with a business here and recently had an eye-opening experience about one of my staff. A smart and amazing artist, this young man is usually a thoughtful guy. Twice in the past year, however, he has acted extremely rude and uncaring in the course of the workday. Most recently, I wondered what was going on in his personal life to make him act this way; so I “Googled” him and found his Myspace page and a blog post, saying how intensely he loathes himself. He said he acts like a jerk sometimes and doesn’t mean it, but he ... [ Read More ]

November 23, 2016

Question: I have become close friends with a guy I met at the Bali Galeria.  He is a psychology and philosophy buff; so we have deep, intimate, interesting conversations. A couple of days ago, completely out of the blue, he asked me if I would consider dating him. Having a habit of speaking without thinking, I said “yes” because it was easy and I knew it would make him happy. Now, when I reflect further upon my decision, I don’t think I should have agreed. This guy is a genuinely kind and good person, but I am not physically attracted to him ... [ Read More ]

November 9, 2016

Question: I need to know how to fend off well-meaning questions from acquaintances about my semi-estranged dad. He’s a bipolar alcoholic, who is medication non-compliant. I grew up in an unstable, emotionally abusive home, which has left its mark on me. My mom was brave enough to divorce last year. Now, I’m finally getting therapy and facing my childhood demons. I’ve taken steps to limit contact with my dad, but I often have to deal with people who have no clue and ask after him because he was outwardly charming. I don’t know how to answer questions about him as I ... [ Read More ]